[00:00:00] Get ready for a Nickelodeon themed extravaganza. In this bonus episode, we're joined by Chelsea and Donnie from the I Am The Cute One podcast for a game of Fuck, Marry, Kill with our favorite Nickelodeon stars. Plus, Chelsea and Donnie will be sharing their top movie picks. So get ready for a hilarious and nostalgic conversation.
[00:00:36] Welcome to the No More Late Fees podcast. I'm Danielle. And I'm Jackie, and we're just two best friends and ex-Blockbuster employees re-watching some of the best and worst movies from the late 90s and early 2000s. This week, we're joined by our pod pals and the hosts of the I Am The Cute One podcast, Chelsea and Donnie. Welcome. Hi, thank you so much for having us. It's been a long time coming. I know. I know.
[00:01:05] Super excited to have you guys both on. We have been Instagram friends for a really long time. And throughout this podcast journey, we have a few podcasts that are kind of in our niche genre. Even though you guys are way more into reality TV shows and your back and forth banter is always so much fun to watch. But really excited to have you guys on.
[00:01:32] Can we ask how you guys even started to do your podcast? And I know you transitioned from like you started with Mary-Kate and Ashley. We did. Expanded. That's true. Donnie, take it away. Let them know. Yeah. So the beauty of our podcast now, like you said, we do cover movies from the 90s and early 2000s, but mostly it is just banter. We do hate each other and we make sure everybody knows that. Yeah.
[00:01:59] Donnie is my soulmate, my soul sister, my best friend, my mortal enemy. Really, we cover the gambit in our relationship. So for a movie rewatch podcast, it's fine because we talk about ourselves. We talk about watching the movie now, but also as children and what we were going through as children, et cetera, et cetera. But it just lends itself to more tangents. Whereas there are other Mary-Kate and Ashley podcasts that actually know facts.
[00:02:28] So because we didn't, shocker, we didn't really have an audience there. We did. We had a small and mighty audience. Yes, they get very upset. They get very upset when we say like, who, yeah, who listened to us? And they're like, us, we did it. And so shout out to the OG cuties. But yeah, it is hard to have a Mary-Kate and Ashley podcast when you can't tell the twins apart.
[00:02:50] And so we did slowly transition because, so we have an interesting kind of dynamic because Donnie has watched anything that he was going to watch. He did watch as a kid. And I had had, like it's gone. I cured myself, raging ADHD as a child. So I never sat still long enough to watch a movie. So I really missed out on a lot of those like formative, everybody has that core memory of like a lot of movies.
[00:03:18] And so I very oftentimes am watching a movie for the very first time. And like, for example, I think we say this every time we guest on a podcast, but I can't stop talking about it. I saw Never Been Kissed for the first time in like 2021, 2022. And I was horrified. Everybody has the warm and fuzzies for that movie. It is about a teacher creeping on a student he believes is underage. It's not okay.
[00:03:44] I'm fearful of doing that one because like you said, there's a lot of nostalgia around it. And oof, not great. Oof is right, Jackie. Yes. I feel like a lot of Drew Barrymore movies are like, girl, the plot is not plotting right. You know? No. Which one did we do? Oh, 50 First Dates, which Jackie loves.
[00:04:09] But this man is taking a sick lady. It's not good. It's not good at all. Oh, man. So I know, Donnie, you're in New York. Chelsea, are you in New York as well? I'm not. I'm in Maryland. I'm in suburbia USA in the DMV area. So yeah, I always make Donnie come down and be terrorized by my children once a quarter. I love that. That's super sweet. And you guys met online, right?
[00:04:39] Yeah. We did. So even before the Mary Kate and Ashley days, Chelsea had a Bravo account and I had a Bravo podcast and we linked up through talking about housewives. But then we realized, and again, if you're a Bravo watcher, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about your peers. The Bravo fan base is very opinionated. So it wasn't so fun to create content because we would just get death threats. We were like, oh, I don't think she should have drank a hot toddy at dinner. Death threat.
[00:05:09] I don't think she should have worked around until the mom. Oh my God. Death threat. So we said maybe people won't send death threats if we cover Harriet the Spy. So far, it's working out. Fingers crossed. You said the magic words, Harriet the Spy. Danielle is like, let me get my notebook. I cannot wait to do that movie because I know I'm going to have a whole diatribe of how like
[00:05:36] literally Harriet is the pipeline to being a Karen. Because why are you watching? Why are you taking notes? Why are you in everybody's business? Like, I can't. We covered it within this year, I think. And I just use that as an hour and a half for it to be a Marion Hawthorne stand account. Because Harriet is the villain of her own movie. Marion was terrorized by that little notebook wielding weirdo.
[00:06:04] See, Jackie, Donnie and I align because we always root for the villain. Always. Some empathy or compassion, even though Marion was a little bitch. She was. She was a little bitch. But Harriet, that slap in the face in the bathroom. One of the top movie experiences of my life.
[00:06:27] Since we're talking about orange little tapes, because we all know Nickelodeon movies were those iconic orange little tapes. Which we have a game for all of us to play called Orange Little Sex Tapes. Which is really. Perfect. Fuck, marry, kill. So Jackie's going to give us a group of Nickelodeon characters. And we're all going to have to decide who we would fuck, who would kill, and who we would marry. So. Mmm. Okay. Can't wait, Jackie. This is so unhinged.
[00:06:56] Our first round is Doug Funny, Skeeter, and Patty Mayonnaise. Ah. Oh no. I know off the bet. Off the rip. Uh-huh. I'm. It's a hard one. I'm killing Doug. Oh wow. Yes. Immediately. I'm marrying Skeeter and I'm fucking Patty. Mmm. I'm marrying Patty. Oh gosh. Her voice. Yeah.
[00:07:23] We would have to do what those, some of those dog owners do and clip the vocal cords. And then it's just like. Yeah. I would definitely kill Doug. I'm fucking Skeeter. Cause I, you can't tell me he's not gotten the long stroke. And then me and Patty are married. Mmm. Okay. But cutting the vocal cords. What about you guys? Famously I'm gay. So I'm killing Patty because. Fair. I don't need to do anything with that. And here's the thing.
[00:07:52] I love a big nose, but Doug and Skeeter both have big noses in different ways. So it really is just. Are you going for length or birth? Exactly. Yeah. Hot dog or hamburger. I'm going to go. Fuck Skeeter. Ugh. Marry Doug. Only for his family. Me and Judy could talk about him on holidays. Yes. That's a good, that's a good point. Yeah. I think I am killing Doug. I think I am marrying Patty.
[00:08:21] And I do think, I think that Skeeter would be a generous lover. I think that he would be somebody that would be willing to learn. Yes. So I'd fuck him. Yeah. Love that. Excellent. I love that there were three kill dogs. And mine was solely because of Patty's genitals. Yes. I would have thought of elsewhere. Number two.
[00:08:50] It is Oblina and Crumb from A Real Monsters. I would fuck Oblina. Look at her. She's made to. No offense. No offense. Look at you. No offense to the Boston community. Hitting women against each other once again. Another unrealistic body standard for us to go up against. I would. You know I like to not always be the best spouse.
[00:09:20] Like look through phones, lie, etc. So I would marry Crumb because then I could hide his eyeballs. And he wouldn't be able to know what I was doing. And then I would kill Ickis. I would fuck Oblina for the previously mentioned reasons. I would marry Ickis. I think that that chaotic energy. No offense, Donnie. But if we were to ever do like a settle down together. Have a lavender marriage by 50. Same energy.
[00:09:50] Like I think that we could get into a lot of chaos. A lot of fun together. And then I just the armpit hair. I'm sorry. RIP Crumb. Ah. I did a video on TikTok because there was a like chatter about what the actual ovary fallopian tube situation looks like in real life. And the picture literally looks like Crumb. So I did a video about what's inside of me.
[00:10:19] That alone, knowing the chaotic fights that I have with my internal organs and I fucking can't stand them. Crumb would immediately die. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely think. I think Ickis would be a fun lover. So I would fuck him. Mm. And I would marry Oblina. Okay. She's a stand up gal, you know. Oh, shit. Jackie. I. I'm going with you, Danielle. I think I'm killing Crumb because. Immediately.
[00:10:49] He looks like. A thumb. Eyeballs. And something else has a nose. Yes. Yes. Very phallic nose. I am noticing right now. I am marrying Oblina and I am fucking Ickis. Yeah. You three agreed on the kill again. We're aligned. I know. It's 2025. We need to all stick together and eyes on the prize. Yes. A hundred percent.
[00:11:19] But this next category, Jackie, I specifically pick for Donnie because he loves him some Kiki Palmer. Oh, I do love Kiki Palmer. So we have Kiki Palmer from the True Jackson VP. Melissa Joan Hart from Clarissa Explains It All. And Michelle Trachenberg from Harriet the Spy. Okay. So hard. Characters we're going with, right? Not actresses. Yeah. Because immediately Melissa Joan Hart today. Like young Daniel.
[00:11:48] Just anytime really. Young Daniel loved Melissa Joan Hart so much. Like a lot. But now, even though we did pay to take pictures with her at 90s Con. As did I. But you have to know what you hate, Daniel. Yeah. Yeah. You weren't a fan of that coffee commercial she put out a couple years ago for seemingly no reason? No. And then she had that podcast that like just died. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:12:18] It offered nothing. Did nothing. Yeah. So I would, man. Ugh. I would, fine. I would fuck Kiki Palmer because we could do it in her office. Think of the views. She's VP for God's sake. I would marry Melissa Joan Hart because Clarissa did used to explain it all in a good way. I learned things from her. And if worst comes to worst, she had those weird computer games where she, if I was bored, I could just log into her computer and play that. And Michelle Trachtenberg would have to die.
[00:12:46] Harriet, again, had it coming. RIP. RIP. And I hate to be boring, but that was my exact answer. So Donnie, we're so aligned on that one. Look at that. Jackie. And I did famously say that Harriet the Spy reminds me so much of my oldest daughter. So sorry. Hope she doesn't listen to this episode. Hope she doesn't listen. Whoopsie. I think I am also aligned.
[00:13:12] We're fucking Kiki Palmer, marrying Melissa Joan Hart and killing Michelle Trachtenberg. Perfect. I'm 100% marrying Kiki. I just. I really thought about it. I really, I just want to marry her. I want to be with her all day, every day. Melissa Joan Hart would be my sneaky link. Because I just have a feeling that sometimes conservative people are real freaks in the sheets. You know what I mean? Clarissa would explain maybe some new sexual positions for me.
[00:13:42] Who knows? But Harriet, yeah, she would, I would find her snooping way too many times and the bitch would have to die. Immediately. So yeah. I didn't put the shows for the next one. Ryan Reynolds is 15. Emma Roberts is unfabulous. And Nick Cannon, every fucking show on Nickelodeon. I don't like all that. Yeah. Now I famously don't follow rules a lot. So I'm, is it okay if I just take them at face value?
[00:14:12] Because I don't really, I'm not familiar with some of those shows. Yeah. This category was just the, out of the, the groups of Nickelodeon stars. These are the shittiest human beings. This category. Like in real life. Yeah. Now I am going to do Ryan Reynolds, Emma Roberts, and Nick Cannon, just face value as people. I am absolutely not fucking Nick Cannon because two children, I'm done. That's enough for me.
[00:14:40] I think, and I famously, Ryan Reynolds has moved his way up my nemesis list. I really can't stand that man. I think that I am going to fuck Emma Roberts. I'm going to marry Ryan Reynolds because I can do like a year of hating him. He's a billionaire or at least a multimillionaire. Like I could get some money after we divorce. And then I do think I'm going to kill Nick Cannon.
[00:15:08] Just so sad because from the wild and out days, I loved him. But recently. Ooh. I'm, I'm, I'm fucking Nick Cannon. Okay. I have, I double bag it. Double bag it. I have no worries about getting knocked up. So I would definitely fuck Nick Cannon because essentially I have to believe some of Mariah Carey's essence is on that dick. And I want some of that.
[00:15:37] Emma Roberts has been known to be both transphobic and fucking racist. Correct. Is Julia Roberts. Think about Thanksgiving. I would definitely marry her just for access to Julia Roberts. And Ryan would definitely die because he also did a plantation wedding and I'm not cool with that.
[00:16:05] I don't want anything to do with him. So he's dead to me. Wonderful answer. So much. Yeah. Thank you. Wonderful answer. I, however, I'm going to marry Ryan Reynolds. You are. That's me. You're like. Because if I learned anything these past six months is that Blake Lively loves a feud that's well publicized. So as Ryan Reynolds' new wife, me and her will fight to the death and I will be all over the tabloids. And I'll be the most famous person in America.
[00:16:35] Then I will fuck Nick Cannon because I don't have to worry about getting pregnant. And I do think he's objectively attractive. It pains me to kill Emma Roberts. But I will focus on the transphobia and racism and kill her for those, roll my eyes, those reasons. And not her career. Danielle knows. Like, up until recent events, I love Ryan Reynolds. I'm having a crisis of faith right now.
[00:17:06] We all have it. Not me. Day one I had his number. No, not from him. I am. I mean, about someone. Oh, I have it about many people. But somehow, Ryan Reynolds always. Harrison Ford could murder someone in front of me. And I still ride that 80-year-old dick all day. So I am marrying Ryan Reynolds. Tell me the same three jokes over and over. I don't give a shit. I'm fucking Nick Cannon. He's hot.
[00:17:35] And I just, I can't stand Emma Roberts' face for that alone. Gotta die. Fair. Oh, last one. Some good choices here, guys. Yeah. Amanda Bynes, Ariana Grande, and Kenan Thompson. This is mean. This is a mean one. I love them all. Oh. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
[00:18:03] I would marry Ariana Grande because she famously changes her personality to fit her partner. So it would just be another me walking around the house. Love it. Then I would fuck Amanda Bynes and unfortunately kill Kenan. But he would probably be in that bathtub as Pierre so I can just throw a toaster in and call it a day. Oh, no.
[00:18:29] It would be really hard to kill Kenan because you know what I love more than anything? A black man with a stable check. That man's been on the SNL for a long time. That's very true. That's very true. He's got that good burger money. He does. He does. Oh, I love Amanda Bynes so damn much. I know. I love her so much. I think I would marry her so I could take care of her. That's a good. Get her back on the right track.
[00:18:57] I thought she was my waitress when I was in Nashville. I was like, come here. Do you have a heart tattoo? I can't tell. You're too far away. Amanda? I was shocked. Maybe just start yelling at you. Marry her. See if she responds. Um, gosh, it's very hard. Ariana, I would. She's got a lot of money, but I feel like I'd have to kill her because she been bronze and way too like the black fishing.
[00:19:27] I don't like. I don't like. She doesn't do it anymore. Blackiana is for now. I know. I can't wait for her to come back. I can't wait. Yeah. And I don't. I hate Cynthia and Revo. So I kind of feel like that bitch would try to be in my house. No. So she, so I would wake up and she's just holding your finger. No, she's Ariana. What are you doing here? You're dead. That she's gone. Kenan and his stable check. I'll marry him. All right. I mean, no sleep with him. Okay. Yeah. I think I am.
[00:19:56] Donnie, close your ears. Oh no. I'm also going to kill Ariana Grande because it's a slippery slope. The Venn diagram of theater kid energy and youth group kid energy. I can only do one and she gives both and it would be too much for me. I would marry Kenan. I love him. I would then have access to SNL people, which I would love. And then I think that Amanda Bynes, I would fuck her.
[00:20:25] And then just maybe like have a heart to heart afterwards. Just cuddle and be like, girl, please do your tattoo removal. And quit your job at Nashville Diner. You'd be like for the last time, Donnie, I was not at the diner. So I'm marrying Ariana. I would just be like, sing this song with this voice. Like constant entertainment.
[00:20:55] Like do the thing. Do the thing. You should be like, okay. And then she seems very compassionate and empathetic. Like she's going to take care of you if you're like sad or anxious. I think Kenan would be a gentle lover. So I'm going to fuck Kenan and I'm really sorry, Amanda. This one was a tough one. Yeah, it was real tough. That ponytail. I feel like I would find it in my bed.
[00:21:24] It would irritate the hell out of me. That's why I would wear it when I found it. Now it's time to put Chelsea and Donnie into the hot seat for their three employee picks. Let's see what movies they'll stock on the shelves at Blockbuster. If you guys don't know, Jackie and I used to work at Blockbuster. And we make everybody honorary Blockbuster employees when they join.
[00:21:53] So we want you guys to pick any movie. It doesn't, usually it's like 95 to 2005. But if it's outside that time period, we're totally okay with that. Because it was at Blockbuster. It doesn't matter. Okay. You can go first, Donnie. Okay. So I, first, it's Cruel Intentions. Best movie of all time. Then I would also have the Brady Bunch movie there. And Save the Last Stance. Ooh. Solid. What a lineup. I know. What a lineup.
[00:22:20] And this really highlights the juxtaposition of me and Donnie. Because I have seven from 1995. What's in the box? The Truman Show fucked my shit up. Like, I was looking for cameras everywhere after that. That really was a formative moment for me. And then this movie is the reason. It is the closest Donnie and I have ever gotten into a fist fight. And we covered it on the podcast. The Royal Tenenbaums. In 2001.
[00:22:49] I am, I'm interested to see how we will do with that movie. Because I remember when I first, we first watched it. Did you like it, Jackie? Because I know I liked it initially. It was okay. I think, I think what it was is it was different. And so we're like, okay, the style's cool. Like, it has a lot of unique actors. Like, it's different. And then we got the same fucking thing from Wes Anderson for a millennia. And I'm like, you're not original.
[00:23:19] This just happened to be the first one I saw. Yeah, we have a really close friend named Nick that comes on the podcast all the time. And he was, I think, almost close to tears the way we tore apart Life Aquatic this year. We have a Life Aquatic. Okay, so I am, I am that, that little, I was the ballet flat wearing my little like off the head winter beanie in the summer manic pixie dream girl of the early aughts.
[00:23:48] So Wes Anderson, I am, I understand, I hear the criticism. My God, I've heard it from Donnie. He's literally banned another Wes Anderson movie from our show. We have a Life Aquatic like print in our kitchen framed. You do? I've told you this eight times and you just men in black yourself every time, I think. I think your nervous system can't handle it. Well, Chelsea, do not listen to our Life Aquatic episode. Donnie, do listen to our Life Aquatic episode because.
[00:24:18] I have a friend and coworker. I was in office with him last week and he loves the Life Aquatic. And he goes, man, I listened to part of your episode and now I feel bad that I like this movie. I was like. That's what I love to hear. We convert people around here. Well, I like to stay ignorant. So I will just not listen. Thank you. He's like, because you guys weren't wrong. And we're like. Right. Nope.
[00:24:45] I said, this movie is for somebody, but it ain't black people. And it's not women typically. Yeah. Most Wes Anderson movies. Yeah. All right. So why don't you guys tell everybody where they can find your podcast and where they can follow you on social. Perfect. So you can find our podcast on Apple, Spotify, wherever you get your shows. We also have a YouTube. So you can go to our YouTube.
[00:25:14] I am the cute one podcast where we have our pop culture episodes every Friday, the full episode. And then we also put clips from our other episodes as well. And then we are both individually on Instagram. I'm at real Donnie Wood. And I'm at Oh No Chels. Lovely. And I was really excited when I think I kept harassing Donnie. I'm like, you guys should be on TikTok. And you did. You have a TikTok. I know you don't. We were, but now we are on it.
[00:25:44] We both impulsively deleted TikTok when it was gone. So now neither of us have access to the app store. Me too. I got really upset. And I was like, I don't need this fucking app anymore. And so I deleted it and kept cut. And then it came back. And now I can't do anything. It's only on my iPad now. And that's not fun for me because I don't fuck with Apple products that much. I still have it. I was still in mourning. And then it came back.
[00:26:13] I was like, oh, look, I'm good. But my feed is all fucked up now. It keeps showing me old shit. Yeah. Like from, I always look, before I even like anything, I look at the dates. And usually my feed is pretty black. And I've been in a lot of white people. And I'm like, I like what you're saying, but I can't support it because I need my fucking feed to go back to the way it was. Yeah.
[00:26:40] And if you guys want to follow us, hit us up at no more late fees on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, blue sky, my asshole, who knows anything at this point. And don't forget to check us out next week as we cover Electra. I can't. February, like Danielle's dream line up. It's black history, my bitch. We're going to do what I want to do. Respirations. Respirations. We have snow day. We have Electra. We have wish upon a star. Oh, my God.
[00:27:10] It's the best. You got scream three. I did get scream three. Yeah, there's affirmative action right there. And as always, be kind and rewind.