Camp Nowhere REWIND

[00:00:00] Let's rewind the clock and ditch those counselors again. This week we're heading back to the wilderness, well, a summer camp with questionable facilities, for a rewatch of the 90s classic Camp Nowhere. Join us as we relive the adventures of our favorite unsupervised teens led by the ever

[00:00:20] dramatic and slightly unhinged Dennis. Just a heads up, for half of the episode we might accidentally call Jonathan Jackson, Joshua Jackson. Blame it on the early 90s name confusion or maybe just the questionable camp food. Enjoy. Welcome to the No More Late Fees podcast. I'm Jackie.

[00:00:51] And I'm Danielle. And we're just two best friends and ex-Blockbuster employees rewatching some of our favorite movies from the late 90s and early 2000s. We're going to camp this week with Camp Nowhere. But before we dive in, let's get into some Housekeeping.

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[00:01:57] Let's hear a word from our pod pals. Hello, kids of the 80s, 90s and beyond. Radical Ryan Hunter here from the Radical Retro Rewind podcast. Join me along with everyone's favorite brother, David, and the movie geek Rob every Friday

[00:02:17] as we discuss everything from movies, TV, video games, music, action figures and more. Every week's another adventure. We're available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and most podcasts on YouTube. And we're also available on all of our favorite podcasting platforms. Hope to see you there, Radical Ones.

[00:02:38] Camp Nowhere came out in 1994, so we're going just a tiny bit ahead of our date ranges that we like to stay in. However, I mean, Andrew Keegan, Joshua Jackson. Kate Mulgrew, isn't it? Christopher Lloyd. Joshua Jackson. If you can hear me, please know we love you.

[00:03:08] Not just this movie. For me, I'm a lucky Spencer Stan for life. And y'all just love her program. Camp Nowhere was directed by Jonathan Prince, written by Andrew Kurtzman and Elliot Wald. It's currently streaming on Disney Plus. And its box office was over $10 million.

[00:03:35] Not sure how much the budget was, though, unfortunately. Anywho, so Camp Nowhere is about this group of four friends. Their parents send them each to a different type of summer camp and they decide we don't want to go.

[00:03:51] Our parents always sign us up for these things that they think we really enjoy. We don't enjoy them. And so they stumble across this theater teacher who is no longer teaching. And he just it seems like he just runs schemes a lot of the time.

[00:04:07] He well, I don't know if he's running a bunch of schemes, but he's working at the mall in the food court selling cheese, shade cheese. I think the only scam he's doing right now is the fact that he hasn't paid for a car from like the fucking 70s.

[00:04:23] Yeah. And he's trying to outrun the. The repo man. Yes. So Christopher Lloyd plays the ex theater teacher, and so essentially the movie is about how they create this fake camp. They have him pose as.

[00:04:46] I guess the representative for each camp to come and sell it to them in their house, just like heavyweights. Yeah. And then because they find out like their parents pay a shit ton of money for camp and

[00:04:59] they're like, let's just go find a place to hide out all summer and then we can just keep the money. Yeah. So, Jackie, what is Y2K? Jackie, think of what's the rating for this movie? I would buy it, would buy it again. I will. Hell yeah.

[00:05:16] Hell yeah. All the way. All the way. Did buy it. Did buy it. Would buy it again. Yes. It opens up with Morris, who his friends call him mud. I don't know how they get mud from Morris, but whatever. Mud played by Joshua Jackson.

[00:05:40] He's just kind of like this little, I wouldn't even call him a dork or a dweeb or a geek or anything. He proclaims that he is a geek. He's just a kid. There's a lot of stereotypes that these characters are, that they're trying to be put into.

[00:05:59] And from a casting standpoint, they don't, they don't go well because we all, who are you trying to fool with that baby, the baby smooth skin and beautiful eyes and wonderful flow and hair is supposed to be a nerd. That's Jonathan Jackson, baby. Y'all are lying to me.

[00:06:16] I don't believe it. And then the friend supposedly being fat. We'll talk about that later. Oh yeah. So I, we're introduced to mud and then there's the bad kid. Zach is like mud in the bathroom now. And so they go in and right away, they're like friendly.

[00:06:38] They're totally friends. Yeah. Zach just has to keep up appearances. And so, and I mean, mud does write a paper for him, but then it's like, okay, we have to do the thing. And so mud has to pretend that Zach is giving him a swirly in the toilet.

[00:06:57] Yeah. I like to think that their friendship is literally like Sean and Corey from boy meets world. But as if Sean was embarrassed of, of Corey, which, you know, that means that they're way under on the bestie category because Sean would never, right. Never.

[00:07:22] But that's the kind of vibe is going on here. I just also think it's weird. Like, who do they think they're fooling? Because literally later the two of them are walking home together. So like, what image are you upholding here? Yeah.

[00:07:36] Like almost the, the scene after that scene, they're all just chilling together. So it's, it's the two of them. So it's mud and Zach. And then Trish, who's supposed to be the theater girl, the pretty popular one. Right. And Gabby, who is supposed to be the fat one.

[00:07:55] The fat homely one. And I was like, again, casting director, you ain't fooling nobody. That girl looks straight up adorable and skinny. Yeah. So mud gets home. His parents have the spokesperson for the camp, camp Chippewa.

[00:08:14] Can we talk about the sweater that the dad is his sweaters there? They look like Coogee sweaters. I don't know if they are, but they're an atrocity to die. Just want to throw that out there. Yeah. And at some point someone says something about the shack. Okay.

[00:08:33] I got, I knew you were getting there. Let me, you, you get, you threw me the ball. I'm gonna do this layup real quick. He says, and that camp micro Chippewa, we don't just do, we also play sports and stuff like

[00:08:49] basketball and where you can learn to play like Hakeem and the shack. But the way he said Hakeem was super weird. It was like, Hey, Kim. It was like, yes. Just like, what is this?

[00:09:03] And again, I wrote in my notes, both movies had people coming to sell camp question mark. Again, listeners, if y'all went to sleep away camp, please tell us this recruit. Situation. What is this? So there has to be something here. It's super weird.

[00:09:20] Anyway, so his parents are obviously feeling out different camps for him to go to. And mud's like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to. His dad has him on the nerd track and he's not about that life. Yeah. And his dad goes, what?

[00:09:36] The DOS tutorial isn't fun. I didn't know what that was as a kid. I was like, I don't know what's happening. And then we cut to the mall where mud's hanging out with his dad at the mall and he has these really weird moments, nonverbal.

[00:09:57] I gaze across the food court moments with Dennis Van Welker, who is played by Christopher Lloyd as he has to sell easy cheese. It's so weird that whole scene, but I will say it's so funny.

[00:10:13] But I will say this, what Christopher Lloyd does with his various characters in this movie and being that he. His level of comedic excellence is above and beyond what Ben Stiller. He's brilliant in this role. In comparison to what Ben Stiller is trying to do.

[00:10:36] It's like, and it's just effortless. Yes. With Christopher Lloyd. And it's believable, even though this movie is it's crazy. It's ridiculous. I have questions as an adult now, but still way far and above than what Ben Stiller was pulling in that last movie.

[00:10:58] And I feel like this movie was just like they knew it was ridiculous, but it was way more fleshed out where like some of the scenes where it could have easily been questioned, like kids renting out a camp for eight weeks.

[00:11:14] It was because the man was so old, like you could kind of believe, okay, he just, he probably isn't all there and he's just looking to rent out his camp. Probably a lot. Um, anyway, so that's when the friends are in this scene. Hold on.

[00:11:35] I'll move for the visual viewers. This scene all laying around head to head. And was this a thing in the nineties we did? Because this was the same thing that happened in babysitters club. Yeah.

[00:11:45] I don't know what this aerial view while everyone lays head to head and talks. I want to now do a Tik Tok to see if there are multiple 90s movies that does that. Okay. So they're all talking about how they don't want to go to camp.

[00:12:01] Zach's dad is sending him to like bootcamp. It seems Gabby's mom is sending her to fat camp. Trisha's mom is sending her to theater camp and muds parents are sending him to computer camp and they're like, we don't want to go.

[00:12:15] We, we should just make our own camp. And they're like, that's a brilliant idea. And so then the wheels start turning as to like, who can we get? What adult can we get to go along with this? Yeah. And apparently mud was like, well, I got a guy.

[00:12:35] The easy cheese man seems unsavory. Let's go. We had lingering looks at the mall the other day. I just feel like that's my man. So they show up at Dennis Van Walker's trailer. Yeah, they show up at his trailer and mud.

[00:12:51] They all go to try to talk to him. He's like, this is crazy. I think it's just mud who actually goes up to talk to him because the other kids stay behind hiding. And then as this is happening, so I think mud is about to leave.

[00:13:06] And then the repo man rolls up. TR Polk. Yeah, he pulls up and he says pretty much is trying to find this Gremlin car. That wasn't the car payments weren't, you know, they weren't finished paying off.

[00:13:22] So of course, this is where we see Christopher Lloyd probably play his first character. He's put, he has apparently false teeth, just waiting in the rolling J Orlando. I told you I've seen this movie a few times. Yes.

[00:13:42] And so he's so mud kind of reads the room and realizes what's happening. So he pretends to be his son, which kind of throws off the scent. And then somehow the kids know to try to take the Gremlin out without making noise of it starting.

[00:14:00] Yeah, I would imagine that car probably makes a noise. Yeah, was not quiet when you and Zach, because he's such a delinquent, knows how to hotwire a car at the age of 13. He's going to be a mechanic. He loves cars. Yes, we do learn that.

[00:14:16] Yeah, so it's like a skill. So maybe he figured out how to put in neutral and then they just kind of moved it back. Yeah. So TR Polk, like, first of all, sir, you don't have the right to be in my property.

[00:14:28] He knocks in the shed to see and then doesn't see the car. So he goes, sorry about the door. Right? Yeah. Get the hell out of here. Anyway, so they are on the lookout for a Caribbean yellow Gremlin, which that's a pretty easy car to spot. Yeah, 100%.

[00:14:48] So fast forward, the kids convince Christopher Lloyd to be their front man. They're they're Patsy. They're going to be good because they're only paying him $1,000. How dire. And I well, I guess he owes. I think they said that he owes like $2,400 on the car.

[00:15:12] They offer to pay him $1,000 for the summer just to be the front man. And he goes, a thousand bucks, you say, and then breaks the fourth wall. And so then that's like the turning point of like, the plan is in motion now.

[00:15:26] The work he does for these kids is way above $1,000. Agree. And so then we see him as the theater camp director and selling it to Trisha's parents played by Kate Mulgrew, Captain Janeway red from orange is the new black. I love her so much.

[00:15:49] And then we see him selling it to Zach's dad and Zach's like, no, or Zach's dad is like, no, he's going to the same one. He already always went to. And then he goes, well, if you like weepies results and he's like, oh, was that his nickname?

[00:16:05] And so then that convinces Zach Zach's dad to let him go to. Yeah. And Zach helps the performance as well. Cause he like gets in line real quick and all sorts of stuff.

[00:16:17] And so he proceeds to go to pretty much all the kids' houses and pull these routines. He pretends to be the theater guy. And Trisha's parents are like, take her, take her for 80 days. We don't care.

[00:16:31] And Trisha's dad is so not in for any of it that he's just like, oh, horse camp Caitlin. And they're like, that's the other fucking daughter. Yeah. We're talking about Trish and theater camp. He's like, just whatever we're going to Europe as long as the kids are gone.

[00:16:48] I don't care. Yeah. And he's like, oh, there's no parents day even better. Yeah. How do you not have like, that would be suspicious. Every camp has a parents day or parents weekend. And then they go to Gabby's house for fat camp and he tricks the mom.

[00:17:04] He gives her, what does he put in it? It's not raw liver paste. Yeah. He makes a cake for them. One is like Betty cracker and the other one's just crap. And so of course the mom believes it because it's tastes like shit.

[00:17:23] I mean, I just want to talk about how disgusting this is that I'm not even going to speak from the standpoint of a parent because it's really the movie and the casting directors. You know, when I watch stuff on TikTok, they really talk.

[00:17:39] A lot of people talk about how we were made to believe that these very small, not overweight children or actors and actresses were really big for no freaking reason, which of course we internalize seeing that projected that, oh, if that's fat, then okay.

[00:18:00] Then I must be obese kind of situation, you know? And it's just disgusting. Then we cut to them finding a camp that they can run out for the summer. So they find this ex hippie commune in upstate New York or they must be in Pennsylvania.

[00:18:20] But the thing is they live in Ohio and they go to Pennsylvania for camp. That's far. Yeah. The hell. And you know how, do you know how much jail time you get for taking a minor over state lines? Yeah. And he had how many minors? Yeah. Wow.

[00:18:42] So then they rent out the hippie commune. It's kind of rundown and stuff, but they're like, whatever we're just, it's on a Lake. These kids don't care. They don't know the things to look for or ask for.

[00:18:55] And then man makes the mistake of telling his friend Walter who then tells Betty because Betty doesn't tell Walter. Walter finds out about this camp that so they were both supposed to go to camp Chippewa or whatever. Yes.

[00:19:13] And when he finds out that mud's not going there, Walter starts doing some digging. He's a nosy bitch and he goes over to mud's house and he's like, I know you're not going to this camp. It's not real. It's made up.

[00:19:26] And let me just say, Walter does drive me crazy throughout the movie, but I do have to give him props for the fact that in the age of not having internet, the amount of detective work he had

[00:19:39] to do to find out that that camp wasn't real and mud fell apart in it. You know? Yeah. He didn't be like, oh, it's a really prestigious, like not much is known about. No, he's just like, how would you know?

[00:19:54] Anyway, so then Walter tells Betty because her old camp, they used to go skinny dipping and Walter is all about that. He's trying to get with Betty. Yeah. And then Betty proceeds to tell a whole fucking bunch of kids. Yeah, she yeah.

[00:20:12] And they all show up at the house. So now they have to like keep up the live and more and get more money. So I guess they convinced Dennis to go along with it because even more money.

[00:20:26] And there's just so many parts where Dennis could have said as an adult, this is not a good look for me. This is, you know, this is not good. I should not do this. He doesn't. And he has.

[00:20:43] And for someone who's a teacher, any person that I know that's a teacher had. Well, usually you hope they have some inclination of wanting to make sure that children are safe, protected. And yeah, he does not have that.

[00:20:59] Instinctively, because he's just like, I don't think he was a very good teacher, which is probably why he's not teaching anymore. I'm working at the shade. She's yeah, that's true. So they rent a bus and they head up to their camp and they immediately start jumping off

[00:21:21] the roof onto dirty ass mattresses. No, thank you. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, it's pretty it's pretty epically ridiculous. I remember my face when I was watching that part over it because, you know, I've seen it a million times, too.

[00:21:39] And I love this movie, but like, that's the first thing we're doing. We're taking the mattresses and putting them outside and jumping off the roof like. And then they gather around. And of course, Mud has to tell everybody like the rules. What was the rule?

[00:21:55] The rules are letters home once a week. If anyone in town asks, do you don't speak English? And if anyone finds a talk about let me know. Those are the three. I just think it's crazy that like.

[00:22:13] They even allow I feel like they should have said, OK, only a few people could go into town at once or mix it up a little bit, you know? And then they they have a debauchery crazy night similar to heavyweights where they're

[00:22:32] just well, they're running around in the dark. It seems they're playing flashlight tag. Yeah. And then they all gang up on Mud. Money, yeah, they money, money, yeah, money, money. Yeah, that scene was super scary.

[00:22:51] It's just like, well, first of all, the four of them should have had better planning skills when it came to the money and how. Yes. You know, it's it is very Lord of the Flies or a girl who owned the city thought process

[00:23:06] of like, how do you create a civilization and create rules and where there's not supposed to be rules, but you kind of need them? Yeah, it doesn't work out well. So they all take their own money and then he says, don't buy anything crazy. Next scene. Trucks.

[00:23:23] There is a snap on truck snap on is stupid, expensive tools that professional mechanics use. There is a snap on truck. How much did Zach spend on specialty tools to fix up this beater he found in the middle of the the woods?

[00:23:42] And then it's like big screen TVs, Nerf guns, computers, guitars and amps and all of this shit. There's no way that that's how much money they have for camp. I just think it's kind of ridiculous from my very conservative estimation.

[00:24:03] There were probably about at least 20 kids at that camp. If each of their parents paid three grand, that's sixty thousand dollars that they had. OK. So I'm sure they could have bought a lot of shit and they did. They did.

[00:24:20] And I bet you they didn't order any real food. No, it wasn't until much later than when Gabby started to make food. Yeah, they were eating Pop-Tarts all day, kid. Yeah, Pop-Tarts. They had s'mores in the marshmallows in the first scene that they were roasting.

[00:24:38] Yeah, it was probably. Yeah. Oh, that's where I got Pennsylvania from the what's his name? The troopers. Yeah, the trooper was driving a Pennsylvania state police car. So at some point we Hendrix Hendrix, we see him when the trucks are going in.

[00:24:57] We see Hendrix kind of sitting at a picnic table eating and he's like alerted. Why are these trucks going to this abandoned area that never has any action going on? And then he starts getting complaints from all over of these rowdy kids.

[00:25:12] Now, this is a reunion in this movie between Biff. Thomas F. Wilson. Who I met at a holiday inn. Holla, super nice guy. And Christopher Lloyd. So there was a back to the future of reunions.

[00:25:33] And so then we see tiny baby Jessica Alba in the next montage scene. Her first movie, her first movie, she was supposed to be just an extra and then she somehow got her first billable role.

[00:25:49] And so then we see it's now the 4th of July and they have a shit ton of fireworks and everyone's just being stupid with fireworks. Even mud, like come on. So all of these kids are doing like flippies off the dock with their fireworks and stuff.

[00:26:08] And is attempting to perform a trick, be cool. And he falls and he burns himself. And so he has to go to Dennis who then has to find him a doctor. So we find mud, a doctor, Dr. Celeste. And she is beautiful. Even rewatching him like she is.

[00:26:27] That actress is just so pretty. Too good for Christopher Lloyd's broke ass. Oh gosh. Christopher Lloyd. I love he's an amazing actor. Not a looker. Not a looker. No. So she's kind of like, okay, looking at it. Mud says he burned himself on the stove.

[00:26:46] She's like, you know, I'm supposed to record all firework incidents. She's not buying the bullshit. And Dennis turns on the charm is like, yeah, the stove is ancient. Blah, blah, blah. And then proceeds to ask her like there is obviously chemistry in his mind.

[00:27:03] She says, I need to see him back in like a week. That relationship is blossoming. And then the next scene is Sergeant Hendricks. Biff shows up. And so everyone has to hide real fast. Somehow they get up into the, the rafters.

[00:27:23] And so they're all, all the kids are hiding up there as Biff is interrogating. Dennis and mud and they maintain that father son just renting out this. Right. At camp for the summer. It's just the two of them, blah, blah, blah. Nothing to see here, officer. Pretty much.

[00:27:42] The donut, someone drops a donut and mud catches it and then starts eating it. So there's some comedic elements of that scene. Then we cut to Dennis has his own cabin, which is full of all of this really eclectic. Old furniture and records and stuff like that.

[00:28:03] So he's listening to old Winston Churchill records. Well, that happens because it works. So like they have all the debauchery and fun and all that stuff, but then you should, you see it as a rainy day.

[00:28:14] Of course, all those kids in one place don't know what to do without being able to be outside or their devices or whatever. And so they go in mud talks to Dennis and said, look, we need your help. They want to go home because they're bored. Yeah.

[00:28:32] But throws money at Dennis and is like, I'll pay you more money. Just come help me out. And so Dennis goes and puts on this very elaborate puppet show because he's a, he's a theater teacher. He knows what he's doing. What are you doing?

[00:28:48] And all the kids are really intrigued and they're entertained. And so then they don't want to go home anymore. Essentially. This is when we see, we've seen her in a couple of previous scenes, but Alison Mack is in this movie. It is a travesty.

[00:29:07] Well, we have not one, but two cult leaders in this movie. Yes. Cause of Andrew Keegan as well. But I don't know if he's disbanded. I think legally they had to stop, like they still do stuff as a group.

[00:29:25] It's more of a, like a spiritual retreat and not an actual religion. Yeah. For Andrew Keegan. For Andrew Keegan. But Alison Mack is getting real time. I think I just saw that they made her give her a lesser sentence because she's snitching on the main guys.

[00:29:43] But yeah, that whole, if you're really intrigued, look up Alison Mack and look up her. There's multiple documentaries about the cult and situation that she was in. Apparently she was lured into it by Kristen Crook, her Smallville co-star. Yeah.

[00:30:02] Who said she wasn't in it for too long, but any who, yeah. You see a young, innocent Alison Mack and it's sad. She's like the sidekick. Yes. She, she's kind of like, I'm assuming if, if, if Trish and Zach were eighth graders,

[00:30:21] then Heather Alison Mack's character was a sixth grader. Yeah. So they were friends, but there was also a sisterly kind of relationship with them. Yes. So yeah, we were introduced to them because Trish and Heather are going to the mall with

[00:30:38] a few other kids and they come to ask Zach if he wants to go to the mall. He needs anything. Yeah. So the, between Trish and Zach, there's this, will they, won't they kind of relationship brewing between the two?

[00:30:51] So yeah, he says no, but it, the way that it plays out is he's kind of mad because she's like not really acknowledging that she likes him. We cut to the scene in the grocery store where Zach's like, I'm going to buy a beer. Yeah.

[00:31:09] And this is a fresh faced Andrew Keegan. There is no way on God's green earth someone is going to sell him beer and he, he commits and he goes in and he tries to buy it. And then Van Welker gets involved again.

[00:31:26] And he's like, oh, I'm just trying to buy it for my dad. And so Van Welker plays along. I love Trish's math in this scene because, so it was essentially like this license says that you're born in 1964. That makes you how old? And Zach says 21.

[00:31:46] And the kid junior counselor from heavyweights goes, no, this is 1994. If you were born in 1964, that would make you 31. And Trish comes up. And goes, no, if it says he was born in 1964 and he's 21, then it's 1984 or something like that.

[00:32:11] Like, it's just the way she commits to that. No, you're fucking wrong. It's just a hot mess. Yeah. Express. I really love her math though. Like I said, Van Welker comes up, saves the day again, kind of just allupes. The guy makes him feel really uncomfortable.

[00:32:29] He's like, oh, I'm a war vet. Look at this leg. It's really lifelike. Right? The manager of the grocery store is just like, whatever, sir. Have a nice day. Just get out of here. Yeah. Which it like it messes things up because it's going to probably bother him.

[00:32:43] And he keeps seeing these kids, you know, they're not smart in any way. After the grocery store scene, they find out that the police officer is following them and they have to go into the carwash situation. Yes. So the police officer is following them.

[00:33:00] So they go into the carwash. Dennis pretends he's working for the carwash. And then his pants leg gets caught because the officer tries to get out. Dennis slams the door back shut of the patrol car. His pant leg gets stuck. So now he's hopping through the carwash.

[00:33:20] Instead of just saying, you, my pants are stuck in there. Yeah. Like there was no reason that was weird. Yeah. So he goes through the whole carwash. I will say that there were certain lines in this movie that I would turn and yell to Ken

[00:33:36] and he's like, I don't know what you're doing. And then it would play on this, on the screen. He's like, you, you can know this movie too well. And so one of those lines was complimentary hot wax. Yeah.

[00:33:51] And then they get into the, so now the cop car stuck in the carwash. They get into the car and they head back. Yep. And I know there's a scene between Gabby and mud in the. The bus. The bus. I don't know if we missed that scene.

[00:34:08] No, it's right here. Okay. Where they're talking about how they're not popular, they're geeks. And if they do get popular promise to only date X geeks don't date the popular people.

[00:34:22] And so you can kind of see that they like each other, but neither one is willing to kind of. Admit to it. Cause they're probably insecure. The other one really likes the other one. Yeah. And my mud is like talking her up.

[00:34:34] He's like, in a few years, you won't be as lumpy. Because he's in a nice way to say not fat, which she's not that again, trigger warning. This scene where I thought in my Y2K brain was very sweet. Yeah. Is atrocious now.

[00:35:00] And then he also says you're going to grow some chests. Yes. It's just super weird. You'll be great. Guys will like you once all these other things happen. That's pretty much what is being said in this scene where she doesn't say anything to mud

[00:35:19] about why he won't be able to get anybody. It'd be great to say your, your dick won't get bigger, but maybe you'll get taller. Like she doesn't. Yeah. Where's the equality in this? Why is it the female is being just. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:35:37] The juxtaposition about how all he has to do is grow taller, age up a little bit and he'll be fine. Whereas she has to work on her weight and hopefully she gets some boobs because if you stay flat chested, it's over. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:35:53] It's just, I don't know that whole scene. Icky. And then they have another cute scene in the kitchen, but I don't know if that's where where that falls, but they're cute. They're they're cute together. Yes. They are. They are really cute together.

[00:36:11] TR Polk breaks and enters into Dennis Van Walker's trailer at home snooping around sees he works for Shea cheese, goes to Shea cheese and sees a postcard from Dennis. Why are you writing your work? And why are they hanging it up? Why is the postcard hung up? Yeah.

[00:36:32] That scene was also weird. And so now Polk is on, is on the set on his way. And then it cuts to mud and Dennis chilling and talking. Dennis tells them just because you're smart, doesn't mean you can't act stupid.

[00:36:51] It's your constitutional right, which comes back into play later. And then, oh, this was right around the same time that the doctor is coming over for dinner. So they go for their checkup and Dennis somehow gets her to agree to, to come to dinner around

[00:37:08] his place, come see that it's a safe environment for mud. And then they have dinner and they're just sitting around and mud falls asleep. And so then, you know, he wants to be alone with the lady. She's like, oh, we got to put him to bed.

[00:37:20] And she's like, where's his bedroom? He's like, oh, I got it. He's I give him the big room and he picks up mud, takes him to the back door where there's no room. It's just the porch, the porch and drops mud on the floor and says, peace out.

[00:37:34] So he can go kick it with the lady. Yeah. It goes back to his bunk or whatever. Trish walks in. Zach is in whatever little garage he has still working on fixing the car and Trish walks

[00:37:48] in and he goes, if you were wearing a skirt, I'd be in heaven right now because he's squatting on the ground and she's up above it. I was like, that was just not highly unnecessary for a children's movie.

[00:38:02] I know they're preteens and all, but I mean, I feel like kids say stuff like this, but not, I don't know about you. I don't know. It's too much. Yeah. And then Heather, the Trish's sixth grade counterpart is really homesick and she's just kind of

[00:38:20] sitting very quiet watching Zach work. And he's like, what's wrong? What can I do? And really seeing a sensitive side of Zach that you really hadn't seen prior. And then he gives her a can of nuts and washers and stuff. And he's like, here, let's build a necklace.

[00:38:37] And he shows her how to string everything on metal wire. So he hands her the can and he's like, here, go build a necklace and tomorrow we'll build me a necklace. And so that was a really sweet scene where you see a different side of Zach that where

[00:38:51] he's not putting on this front. Right. There's a fight scene with mud and the rest of them. He goes all the way to the, you're going to poke your eye out with that. Did we miss that scene? Where nobody's listening to him?

[00:39:07] Um, because like people are writing letters and saying, we must have. Yeah. Yeah. So he, he gathers everyone around. I think it's around the same scene as Gabby making omelets for everyone. Yeah. I think mud is just, we don't have to go into it, into it.

[00:39:25] But it's just feeling the stress of everything and knowing that no one else is being responsible, maybe with the exception of Gabby and he doesn't want them to get caught. He's feeling a lot of pressure.

[00:39:38] And so, and the other kids aren't really taking it or him too seriously. So yeah. So the doctor shows up unannounced that next day and sees all the kids just running amok and knocks on the door. And so Dennis answers the front door, no one's there.

[00:40:01] And then she knocks again and he realizes it's the back door. And she's like, we're out here in mud's room. Now the doctor knows. I feel like because somehow Dennis convinces her to let it go, to let it go.

[00:40:19] And that he was going to supervise all the kids really well and blah, blah, blah. This is a, a lady who has her PhD. Like, first of all, her license is at stake at this point. Yes.

[00:40:31] Because this is child endangerment and you knew about it and you didn't do anything. She is legally bound to report this. She is a mandated reporter. Yeah. So yes, it comes about where all the parents kind of start wanting a parent's day. Yeah.

[00:40:52] And so they kind of start making excuses as why they, they're going to come up. Oh, we're driving by, we'll just swing through or blah, blah, blah. There's a convention in town. We'll be up there anyway.

[00:41:02] And so then the kids have to pivot and like, okay, let's organize this parent's day. And so it's all four parents days on the same day, which I don't understand. Yeah. Why did they do them? I don't know.

[00:41:16] So then it's this elaborate plan and Ali Ooping all these parents. Which honestly, out of all the parts of the movie, this that's this part is my favorite part. Yes. I really do love this part. They show Arnold's dad. Danielle it's commander Riker of the Starship Enterprise.

[00:41:36] I know. And Jeannie Francis, who is Laura from Luke and Laura general hospital. So we both were fangirling when we saw them parents. Did you know that they're married in real life? Hell yes. I know. Hell yes. I know. So we have captain Genway and first commander Riker.

[00:41:54] And this, this start is star Trekker is very happy. And we had Jonathan Jackson and Jeannie Francis from general hospital. This soap opera stalker is very happy. I love this. I love this journey for us. This could be a TikTok. Any who.

[00:42:20] Oh, at one point in the movie, Jonathan Jackson is wearing a shirt that says lucky on it. Don't. I'll come in together. Parents start showing up for parents day versus Zach's dad. They put him in a fox hole and just abuse the shit out of it.

[00:42:43] And put like gave him two pieces of bread dirt is in it. Yeah. They said that firecrackers all around him, hit him in the head with a flower sack. And so Zach's like, he'll be good for a while. So they just leave dad in the hole.

[00:42:58] And every time he tries to get out, there's like things shooting at him and yeah. Noises. So he's good. Then there is was it Annie next? I think so. Oh yeah. They make it seem like the parents are there late.

[00:43:11] So you only see the end where she's singing tomorrow. And there's not even an audience. They just rig up dummies with president masks on them and had pre-recorded applause. And so all of the theater parents are taken care of. Then it's the computer camp kids.

[00:43:32] And this camp happens to be near a military base where there's daily flyovers. And so they plan it so that they're arguing about scrambling the jets. Like they've fucking hacked the military and then the flyover happens and all the parents are like, Holy shit.

[00:43:52] They're not hacking the military. Right? So they're impressed with this camp because the kids have learned how to be hackers. And then because the jets are going over, Zach takes that opportunity like incoming. Just really laying it on thick with his dad.

[00:44:15] And I will give the dad credit. He kept his fucking cool. At the end he was like, all right, well, I've had, I've seen enough. I'm going to go home now. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. Yeah.

[00:44:29] And then Gabby's mom just walks in on her in the kitchen and then she compliments her and he looked so skinny and I'm just like, you're practically smelt. Yes. Oh gosh. That mom, man. It's too fucking real.

[00:44:49] So really their downfall is they tie too many things from strings hanging in the ceiling. They were so close. So close. So was it the police officer walks in or did he or Hulk walk in or did they all walk in together? I think they walked in together.

[00:45:09] And they step on this board, which lets go of a string and then he hits the other strings. And so, but I was looking at it and there was nothing out of the ordinary. You would string things up like that.

[00:45:25] Well, at a camp in general, especially you don't know if that building is multi-purpose for different camps throughout the year or whatever, because you can have a spring break camp that's theater and then they use it in the summer for computers or whatever.

[00:45:38] That to me didn't feel immediately questioning. Yeah. You know, it was just a lot of random stuff, but you have a lot of random shit at camp. I feel. Well, they got caught though. They did because one of the strings was holding up sheets that you could see.

[00:45:58] Yeah. But again, it was just a group of kids cheersing like, yeah, we did a great parents day. It wasn't immediately obvious that it was four different camps. Yeah. Together. I don't know. It just, it wasn't immediately intuitive to me as an adult. Yeah.

[00:46:19] That parents would immediately question what was going on, you know? Yeah. So anyway, that's my two cents. Dennis is packing everything he owns into his Gremlin because shit has hit the fan. They're finally figuring out that parents have been hoodwinked.

[00:46:38] And so Hendricks, the police officer is interviewing different parents. He's all confused. He's asking theater parents, how much weight has your son lost? He's all flustered. Mud runs down to Dennis who's packing up his car. They have an elaborate conversation. Do you have time for this Dennis?

[00:47:02] I don't think he does. You need to get gone because you kidnapped essentially an entire busload of kids for the summer, but he does tell mud disappear into the woods for six hours. They'll be so happy. They found you.

[00:47:19] They won't care what you did, which I thought was kind of, kind of a good plan. Let me tell you something. Christine would have whooped that ass. I don't care if you've been in the woods.

[00:47:33] That would have made her even more mad that I had made her scared on top of all the shenanigans. I think any parent, there's no way they would have, this wouldn't have happened in real life. And then mud goes and finds the doctor and is like, cam's over.

[00:47:49] We got busted. She's like, yeah, I know. And then they walk because he is, he, he got lost in the woods, not for six hours, but he goes and like just sits in the middle of the woods and poking out a log with a stick

[00:48:02] or something, contemplating his life choices, I guess. And so the doctor comes in and sits next to him and he's like, we got busted. She's like, yeah, I know. And so then they walk back to camp and mud obviously thinks Dennis is now on the run,

[00:48:18] but he's not, he's, he's taking blame for everything. And as he should saying he coerced all the kids and they didn't know what they were doing. Essentially he said, I wanted to get all these kids together and then start with the religious indoctrination.

[00:48:37] Again, there's a lot of cult theme inadvertently in this movie. Yeah. He's really laying it on thick, even with his confession. Yeah. Always the actor. Yeah. Doesn't mud come up and say, yeah, well, mud goes, okay, well, if this was all your idea, where's the money?

[00:48:58] And he's like, oh, I have it stashed somewhere blah, blah, blah. And mud's like in my sock and pulls out like a fat wad of cash. And so then the parents realized it was mud's idea, but again, a preteen. And an adult. Yeah.

[00:49:16] And so his parents are like, I can't believe you. And so then mud alley-oops him with that. Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I can't act stupid. And all is forgiven apparently. And then there's a throwaway line about how no one's pressing charges.

[00:49:38] Mud walks up to TR Polk and he's like, hey, this is all the money I've left. Will this take care of Dennis's debt? And TR Polk goes, you're a little short. And mud goes, well, you're a little fat. Hit him where it hurts, mud.

[00:49:56] Hit him where it hurts. Unnecessary. Shows violence. Oh, 100% shows violence in that moment. But TR Polk is like, yeah, I can write off some shit. And then I retire with a clean record.

[00:50:09] And then he goes to the police officer and says, hey, if you're ever in Boca, don't look me up. I don't know how these kids get away with it. I don't. I don't know. First of all, as a parent, I've been like, where the fuck's my money?

[00:50:24] Y'all spent all that money? Yeah. That's what I wrote. I'm like, he doesn't have to give the money back. He's paying off this grown ass man's debt instead. I mean, Dennis did do a lot for them. And so then mud's grounded till he's 30.

[00:50:41] They show Zach and Trish kind of talking. And the whole time Zach's talking about dropping out. I'm like, you were 13. You're not even in fucking high school yet. Why are you dropping out? And so the whole time Trish is really upset that Zach keeps talking about dropping out.

[00:50:57] And then Zach says something about in school next year. And so Trish is like, you're not dropping out. Zach says, I got to be there for the greatest love of all. I don't understand. Who needs drama camp when you have these two?

[00:51:21] But in that scene, again, very sweet. Zach is wearing the necklace that Heather made. And in five years, he's going to be dating Heather. Trish will be a little thought in his mind. Yep. Trish goes over and thanks mud for an awesome summer.

[00:51:38] I give him a kiss on the cheek and mud's kind of starstruck for a second. And Gabby goes and punches him. And she's like, you said only ex geeks. He's like, I know I was momentarily distracted. And then they share a kiss, a really awkward kiss. Super awkward.

[00:52:00] Sure is probably the first kiss for both of them in real life or fake life. They show Dennis getting ready to peace out in the car that Zach works on repairing all summer. And with the fucking doctor. They just, they just taken off. Where are they going?

[00:52:21] What did we learn kids that if you run a corrupt camp, you get away in a nice car. High deception equals high reward. Yeah. And then the end scene is Walter chilling in the lake because his parents didn't immediately yoke them up and take him home.

[00:52:44] Which again, doesn't sound like a black parent. I know. So he's chilling in the water. Betty walks up and she's like, do you, you have the guts? And he's like, what you talking about? And she said, I have the guts throws her bathing suit at him.

[00:53:05] And she's like, do you have the guts? And so he takes off his bathing suit, throws it in front of her. And he's like, yeah, I do. So then this bitch starts walking out of the lake. She just happens to have a strapless bathing suit on.

[00:53:24] So he couldn't see them wearing a bathing suit. And she said, gee, Walter, you really do have the guts. Just not an extra bathing suit. Oh, and scene. And Danielle. Yeah. Although I wrote that line down, I didn't have to read it. I have that scene memorized.

[00:53:52] I'm not surprised. Do you know that that scene with Gabby's mom, when you said Svelte, I already knew. I like that is so ingrained in my head. There's so many parts of this movie that like just live with you, you know? Yep.

[00:54:09] But so this was the film debut of Jonathan Jackson and Danielle. Yeah, we need to take a field trip. There is a fucking bar named Camp Nowhere in North Providence, Rhode Island. Names and themed after this movie. When we go in.

[00:54:29] My auntie and uncle live in Rhode Island. We got a place to stay. I mean. I don't see why not. Just never thought I was going to Rhode Island, but OK, I'm down. So now we're going there. We have to go to Oregon to the last blockbuster.

[00:54:53] Can we go somewhere that's not the whitest places in the world? We can go back to New York. We'll have to think of something movie related to do in New York. Yeah, 100%. I'm down to go. There are a lot of really cool bars.

[00:55:10] I want to go to Canada because there's the Harry Potter theme bar that like does these crazy drinks. So maybe that's what we should make a list of bars that are after some of our favorite movies. Yes, we'll have to do some research.

[00:55:24] OK, well, that was Camp Nowhere. Danielle, what's your rate here? I mean, my rating camper, Danielle. It's still even with the questions and the disbelief, it still would buy it again because I would watch it over and over again. Even as an adult. 1000% same.

[00:55:49] I enjoyed every moment I watched a ridiculous movie. I will tell you, as soon as I got Disney Plus, first movie I watched was Camp Nowhere. I didn't because I had just watched it before I got Disney Plus. I was like, oh, well, it's there too.

[00:56:08] And don't miss next week's episode as we cover the 1999 classic American Pie. As usual, if you have questions, insights, anything you want to tell us about our wonderful pod girl summer, hit us up on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok at nomorelatefees.

[00:56:28] And if you really want to let us hear how you feel, give us a shout out on our Google voice number 909601NMLF9096016653. Hit us up at the quick drop. That's what we're calling the segment. And you could be featured on the podcast.

[00:56:52] With that, I hope you guys continue to have a wonderful summer and be safe out there. And Jackie? As always, be kind and rewind.